


A Tricky Treat

by evoboo



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Halloween, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27318490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evoboo/pseuds/evoboo
Summary: Balthus just wants to take Jeritza trick or treating.
Relationships: Jeritza von Hyrm/Balthus von Albrecht
Comments: 10
Kudos: 8





	A Tricky Treat

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to Cuddles... goodness knows how he puts up with this kinda behaviour...

“C’mon. It’ll be fun.” Balthus leaned against the wall of the training arena, watching Jeritza as he decimated yet another target dummy. “It’s not like you’d even have to go outta your way to find a proper costume!” He added enticingly. “You could just suit up in your Death Knight togs and scare the fuck outta everyone _that_ way.”

“No.” Jeritza couldn’t even be bothered to break out his trademark frown. He smacked the dummy a little harder to emphasise his monosyllabic reply.

“Jeeeeeeeritzaaaaa.” Balthus wheedled. “Since when do you turn down the opportunity for sweets?” 

Jeritza paused, frozen mid-swing. That was actually… an excellent point. Damned if he would let the Brute know that though. 

“Why would people just hand out candy like that anyway?” He demanded, finishing off his attack and knocking the sacking head clean off his target. He sighed heavily and moved to the next one along.

"Because it’s All Hallow’s Eve.” Balthus reminded him patiently. They had already covered this, but the brawler could sense that Jeritza’s resistance was wavering. “You knock on people’s doors and scare the living crap outta them, and _they_ give you candy to make you go away.”

“I could do that at any time.” Jeritza pointed out.

“True.” Balthus nodded. “But _tonight_ you won’t get banged up, or the fucking Knight’s of Serios sent out after you for doing it. It’s a thing!”

Jeritza paused in his training and turned to face Balthus with a determined glint in his eye.

“If I were to accompany you on this ridiculous endeavour…” He said slowly. “I do not want to dress as the Death Knight.”

“Right!” Balthus propelled himself from off the wall and moved forward a few steps eagerly. “You have to wear some sorta costume tho darlin’… it’s tradition.”

Jeritza blinked stoically at his partner. His enthusiasm was frankly adorable, but that was yet another admission that wild horses wouldn’t drag from him.

“I wish to dress as a cat.” He intoned. He thought about it a little more. “A maid-cat.” He added determinedly.

“Oh!” Balthus looked a little puzzled. “Um… okay. Not _exactly_ what I was expecting, but I reckon Hilda could whip _something_ up…”

“If you can achieve such an outfit, then I will accompany you.” Jeritza smiled for a microsecond. “But only if it meets my requirements.” He added, turning back to his practice. 

“On it!” Balthus agreed, moving forward to embrace Jeritza in a bone-crushing hug. “Gimmie a few hours!” He grinned.  
  
  


~0~

“You want what?” Hilda’s eyes were bigger than dinner-plates when Balthus finally tracked her down. “I mean – Balti, that’s just weird. A cat _maid?_ Why?”

Balthus shrugged, a shit-eating grin plastered to his face.

“I don’t fucking know Hilds, it’s Jeritza…” he said as if that explained everything.

“You two are just insane - you realise that right?” Hilda grumbled, although there was the beginnings of a smirk on her face.

“Well, yeah.” Balthus nodded sagely. “So can you do it?”

“There isn’t time to make a dress that size you donkey.” Hilda rolled her eyes. “I could do you a cap and an apron. The ears and the tail would be manageable too…”

“Whiskers?” Balthus asked heartily. “There needs to be whiskers.”

“Madness!”

Balthus chuckled. “Now don’t be like that, sweetheart.” He cajoled. “It’s our first Halloween together, and I _know_ Jez will get a proper kick outta trick or treating once he gets into it. Don’t reckon he’s ever done it before…”

Hilda poked him on the chest hard. It probably hurt her finger more than it hurt him.

“You are gonna owe me big time, Balthus.” She warned him smugly. “You know what _that_ means.”

“Servitude and lots of it!” Balthus grinned.

“Exactly!” 

“it’s a deal, honey. How long do you need?”

Hilda tapped her cheek thoughtfully. 

“Give me a couple of hours.” She said. “What the hell are you gonna do for a dress?” She added curiously.

“I have a fucking awesome plan!” Balthus bellowed a laugh. “I’ll tell you about it later, though.” He added. “I need to get on if I’m gonna stand even a chance of seeing it through.”

“Alright.” Hilda laughed and pushed him towards the door. “Can’t say I’m not intrigued, so… get off and get it done.” 

“Yes, Ma’am!” Balthus saluted her as made his way towards his next stop.

~0~

“I… I’m not really sure about this…” Bernadetta groaned anxiously as she was propelled along by an eager Balthus. “Seriously, I’m h…h… happy to help out, but couldn’t you just bring the stuff to me in my room and…”

“Bernie!” Balthus stopped a second and turned on his biggest, most effective puppy eyes. “You know that I’d never be able to pick out the right shit. It’s _you_ with all the talent doll. I need you!”

Bernadetta gulped.

“Well… okay.” She mumbled anxiously. “Are you sure we aren’t going to get caught?” She added.

“Sweetheart, do you think I would purposefully lead you into any danger?” Balthus gripped at his chest dramatically. “You wound me. Truly!”

“Stupid… stupid Bernie…” Her sweet face began to crumble in her admonishment.

“Hey now… none of that kid. You are made of sterner stuff these days!” Balthus had taken her arm and was pulling her along gently again. “Besides, I know that you are just as curious as me to take a looksie inside Rhea’s chamber. She’s been gone fer fucking years… but I hear them rooms ain't been touched in all that time. Who knows what we’ll find!”

“Seteth will kill us to death and bury us deep in the deepest sea if he finds out.” Bernadetta wailed unhappily.

“Nope.” Balthus shook his head. “Flayn herself gave me the key when I told her what I needed. She’s a good sport.” He added merrily.

“Oh!” Bernadetta thought about it. “Well, I wouldn’t _mind_ getting a peep inside Rhea’s wardrobe.” She decided. “Some of her dresses were simply divine. The materials could definitely be used for a few pick me up’s for others. We wouldn’t have to take very many – I doubt she would even notice – if she ever comes back.”

“Yup. That’s what Flayn said too.” Balthus agreed. “And I figure if we are gonna find any frock that stands a chance of being close to a size that might fit Jeritza – it could only come from her.”

Bernadetta giggled. “She did have some rather large attributes…” She admitted.

“I know… right!” Balthus smirked.

“I don’t have any actual dimensions for Jeritza though.” Bernadetta was considering her task seriously now. “How am I going to ensure it fits without him there to model for me?”

“I’m sure we can come up with something!” Balthus grinned blindingly.

~0~

Finally armed with Jeritza’s costume… Balthus knocked on the man’s door. 

“You have what I requested?” Jeritza took the package that Balthus offered with a raised eyebrow. “Very well.” He nodded. “I will try this on and make my decision. You can await me in Abyss.” The door slammed resolutely in Balthus’s face.

Balthus hurried back to the Wolves Den, uncommonly anxious. He paced as he waited, wondering what the hell was taking Jeritza so bloody long.

‘He must hate it!’ Balthus decided sadly after some considerable time had passed. ‘He isn’t even going to bother to come and find me and let me know.” He sank down onto the couch before the hearth miserably.

“Ahem…”

“Jez?” Balthus was on his feet, immediately turning to the man who had silently let himself in. “Oh!” was all that he managed to say as his jaw fell comically open, and his heartbeat accelerated to approximately ten times its usual speed. “I… ah… Oh!”

“I think it looks rather good!” Jeritza purred happily, pirouetting gracefully in a circle to show off his costume whilst wiggling his whiskers provocatively.

“Uh-huh!” Balthus gulped. A distant part of his mind was wondering how the hell he was gonna manage an evening out with Jeritza looking like _that_.

“You don’t like it?” Jeritza was pouting adorably. “Say something!” He demanded imperiously.

“P…P…Pretty…” Balthus managed to stutter.

“I know.” Jeritza agreed with a nod. “Where is your costume?” He inquired curiously. “I assumed you would be ready by now. We have to get candy.”

There was a long, awkward silence.

“Aww FUCK!” Balthus swore finally. 

“You don’t have a costume?” Jeritza’s brow raised. “That is inconvenient.”

“I spent all my bloody time concentrating on yours – getting something for me went clean outta my head!” Balthus buried his face in his hands. “I am such a tossing idiot!” He wailed miserably. 

“Hmm.” Jeritza’s brow creased cutely. “Stay here. I will sort this.” Without another word, he rushed to the door. He turned quickly before exiting. “Meow!” He stated before disappearing from the room.

“Jeritza?” Balthus called after him. Well. Fuck.

~0~

Jeritza stalked the Monastery grounds furtively, his eyes alert and his senses tingling. Given the frivolous festivities that had been planned for the evening, there was hardly anyone save a few guards about, and they would not have what he required.

Finally, he spotted precisely what he was looking for.

With almost preternatural stealth, Jeritza made his way towards the man in the princess dress, complete with tall conical headdress, bedecked in ribbons… his purple hair artfully swishing as he walked.

“Hello, Lorenz.” Jeritza murmured stepping directly in front of the man, making him squeal at his sudden and unexpected appearance. “Trick or treat!” He said blandly.

“Jeritza?” Lorenz did a slow double-take at the man stood before him, resplendent in a black silken dress that just about skimmed his shapely thighs, a crisp white apron, frilly cap… and was that fluffy cat ears, a tail and whiskers? Lorenz gulped. “Heh… um… yes. Trick or treat indeed!” he managed to say.

“Meow.” Jeritza intoned seriously, flicking his long blond hair. “This is the point where you give me candy.” He demanded helpfully.

“Right!” Lorenz nodded, still unable to take his eyes from the vision before him. He giggled nervously and opened up the large bag that he was carrying. “Um… do you have anything you prefer?” He asked politely.

“All of it.”

“Pardon?” Lorenz blanched. He chuckled anxiously. “I thought you said ‘all of it’!”

“Yes. Um… Meow.” Jeritza nodded, shifting his weight slightly as his fist clenched menacingly.

“I see!” Lorenz inhaled a deep breath through his nose… “It’s just - it’s customary to gift a single piece… and…”

“All of it,” Jeritza repeated conversationally.

“Right.” Lorenz was smart enough to know when he was beaten… or rather – what he needed to do in order to _prevent_ a beating. He closed up his bag and handed it over.

“Good,” Jeritza said nodding. “Meow.” He added gamely as he took the bag and smiled. “Happy Halloween Lorenz.”

“The same to you.” Lorenz wished him sadly

~0~

“You were completely correct Balthus.” Jeritza acknowledged when he arrived back at the Wolves Den with his purloined bag of goodies. “Trick or treating is fun and fulfilling.” He took a seat next to his boyfriend and showed him his booty proudly.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Balthus said somewhat breathlessly, staring at the beaming man who was happily rooting through his ill-gotten gains.

“It would be even better next year if you remember to get a costume too and come along with me,” Jeritza noted, putting aside his treasure for a moment to pull Balthus into a warm hug. “It would be far more enjoyable with you.”

“Yeah… next year.” Balthus was eyeing the expanse of attractive thigh that was dangerously close to his hand. “Maybe we could plan our costumes a little more ahead of time.” He suggested.

“Oh… I think I shall wear this one again.” Jeritza smirked. “I rather like it.”

“Okay.” Balthus swallowed hard. “So… ahh… what do you wanna do with the rest of the evening, Jez?” He asked, his voice thick.

“There is candy to eat!” Jeritza grinned.

“Right.”

Jeritza considered thoughtfully. “You may have one piece if you wish.” He offered magnanimously, leaning forward to peck a kiss onto the other’s lips. “Just because it’s you.”

“Kind of you.” Balthus sighed lustily.

“I know.” Jeritza agreed seriously. “Meow.” He added.


End file.
